:quality(85)//cloudfront-us-east-1.images.arcpublishing.com/infobae/QFXBTHXMB5EI5CQMQYGRBDRDIM.jpg "What are the three steps to falling in love without it being a torturous path, according to psychology experts")
Six years ago, the Colombian singer Shakira presented his songI fell in love“: “My life began to change the night I met you. He had little to lose. And it went on like that.”
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Like Shakira, many people seek or are surprised by the infatuation. But building a bond of love sustained over time -sometimes- costs and can be tortuous. From different streams of psychologythree experts shared with GlobeLiveMedia What are the recommendations to consider when falling in love and risk.
There attraction on the other, it can happen quickly. According to a neuroscience study conducted by Semir Seki of University College in the UK, it only takes a fifth of a second for a person to know if someone is attractive to them. It involves an increase in dopamine which involves an intense desire and fixation on the other person.
Several studies also indicate that certain areas of the brain become increasingly aroused when someone sees the face of the person they like or are attracted to. “Love begins in the brain, not in the heart.said psychologist Susan Albers-Bowling, from the Cleveland Clinic in the United States. “When people say they’re in love, there’s a tsunami of activity in their brains.”
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If the first step to falling in love is based on attraction, the second is to take off your glasses or glasses and really see the person who attracts you. It’s okay to convey expectations and desires to the other person in an effort to fit the mold of that romance you’ve always dreamed of.
The doctor Eduardo Keegan, full professor of psychotherapy and director of the specialization in clinical psychology and cognitive therapy at the Faculty of Psychology of the University of Buenos Aires, explained: “We fall in love with the idea that we have of the other person. , not real person. What attracts us and what suits us may not coincide.
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Falling in love, Keegan points out, presupposes a transitory idealization of the other. “It’s a state that skews our view of the other, as the famous song ‘When A Man Loves A Woman’ asserts. The question is not so much who we fall in love with, but who we decide to maintain a relationship with once we get to know that person better,” he said.
people with happy childhoods they tend to have a more positive and healthy view of themselves, and may be more inclined to choose stable people like them, she said.
“Personality characteristics also play a role: novelty seekers fall in love and lose interest faster than others. It’s important to understand that the intensity of being in love does not predict the strength of a relationship.”
Dr. Keegan offered realistic advice: “Enjoying the relationship without overestimating its importance would be ideal. But usually it doesn’t work if you’re really in love.”
For Gabriela GoldsteinDoctor of Psychology and President of the Argentine Psychoanalytic Association, “Falling in love has a hypnotic moment. I feel like I’m in a bubble with the other person,” and detailed issues to keep in mind .
First, you must allow yourself to fall in love: “You must be encouraged to love, even if it may cause pain later,” Goldstein said.
“To fall in love is also to be moved by the other. But be aware that it does not last long. Then you can take a step of caring for each other with love. It’s like a milder form of infatuation and not so passionate“, he specified. Although there are cases of couples in which falling in love begins more easily than in others.
After the stage of falling in love, it is essential to build a relationship with the other as he is and run away from idealization. “When you fall in love and don’t see the whole picture of the other, you complete the other. By knowing them better, they are likely to be disappointed. On the other hand, by not remaining fixed on an ideal on the other, we prevent disappointment because the person avoided being stuck to the ideal from the first moment,” explained the specialist.
Another recommendation is to permanently revive the link. It makes you keep choosing the person you fell in love with. “For example, we can go out to eat on Valentine’s Day to celebrate each other with envy. But it should come with the desire to look at him, to recognize him and to show him love,” he said.
Over time, after falling in love, it is possible to discern if the bond continues, if it generates well-being or if it is simply not what one wishes. “If they are not supported by love and desire, building a healthy relationship is more difficult. The other needs to be desired and recognized,” he stressed.
If a relationship is not progressing, “it must be taken into account that there can always be another chance“, he underlined. Goldstein also advised practicing rewarding activities, such as sports, walks, meetings with friends, hobbies, which also allow you to have fun. “Fun doesn’t just depend on having a partner,” he said.
Fernanda Rivas, A graduate in psychology, a couple and family specialist and a member of the Argentine Association of Psychoanalysis, she suggested that falling in love is an essential step at the start of a relationship, but it is also a “mirage”. like to be and to have. Time is a crucial factor in getting to know each other and being able to choose,” he said.
For a relationship to last and strengthen, “the passage from love to love must take place. “This step involves work, an acceptance of the differences between the two and knowing that the other is another person. It’s not an extension of yourself,” Rivas said.
In this sense, it is also necessary to know how to detect the signs when a relationship generates more discomfort than well-being. A healthy bond – stressed Rivas – allows both members of the couple to continue to be themselves, while building a “we”.
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